Murder For Hire

In 1998 my 'zine, Married Punks, was hitting its stride.  The following piece was a parody ad I ran in lucky issue #13.  It came after our local law enforcement was all over the national news for swabbing pepper spray in the eyes of protesters.  The phone number for the police appeared in the original ad.  I was never contacted by the department, so I don't know if it received calls.  (It was also presented in such a way that someone could remove it from the 'zine and photocopy it as a flier for around.  I did actually see a copy of it hanging by Ramone's in Old Town one day.)


MURDER FOR HIRE

We specialize in murder, torture, maiming, clandestine terrorism and other acts of "peace keeping."  A virtual one-stop shop of brutalization and repression.

Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week we are there; serving the public the best way we know how -- through force.  Why wait until the Christmas rush?  Dispense with some real "justice" today.

Cheap torment has never been easier!

Special low rates for hippies, homeless, minorities and other low life scum.

Ask about our special dental plans and "eye exams."

Call us today at: [Eureka Police Department phone number]

Torture is job one!

P.I.G. -- PRIDE, INTEGRITY, GUTS

THE NEW TERRORISTS ON THE BLOCK

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

ANSWERABLE TO NO ONE

BRUTALITY AS A WAY OF LIFE

EUREKA POLICE DEPARTMENT & HUMBOLDT COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT