Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Married Punks #4: Suck 7" Review

This came out around 1995 in issue four of Married Punks. I'd put some more Film Threat stuff up, but the site is down. This review is transcribed as it appeared.

Suck 7"

This five song 7" is what people are coming to expect from Northeast bands. Slow downs and speed up parts, warbling vocals. A very likable recording. The drawing of the punk girl on the cover holding a gun gets a thumbs up from me. I listened to this while reading the Adult Video Guide which really set the mood.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Married Punks #4: SNFU The One Voted Most Likely to Succeed CD Review

Originally published in the fourth issue of Married Punks (1995?). The review is transcribed as it appeared.

SNFU The One Voted Most Likely to Succeed

SNFU have been around for about 11 years (counting the break they took) and I never listened to them before this release. this is nice to listen to; enjoyable enough, but it lacks a certain punch to it. It's solid enough both lyrically (nothing too serious) and musically, but still doesn't grab me. Let me put it this way -- I like this enough to keep it, but not enough to seek out any of their older stuff. My favorite song on this disc is "Lovely Little Frankenstein." My guess is that this song will be the one played most and requested the most at their shows.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Married Punks #4: RKL Riches to Rags CD Review

Originally appeared in Married Punks #4, which originally came out in 1995 from what I can figure. The review is transcribed as it originally appears. And no, I still don't like the band.

RKL Riches to Rags CD

I never got into RKL too much. They were usually "just okay." This, however, is a definite improvement over their earlier releases. It doesn't irritate me as much. The first song, "We're Back, We're Pissed," gives a fairly good indication of what's going on here. It's not an "angry" CD, but it has its moments. "H.P.C." is probably my favorite track on here just because it is so true. RKL fans will love this and I bet they even get a whole bunch of new fans.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Married Punks #4: The Joykiller CD Review

Originally published in 1995(?) in issue four of Married Punks. Transcribed as it appeared, this review is from the label Epitaph's heyday.

The Joykiller

Garage punk rock-n-roll! I've never even heard of these guys, and that's a shame. Great music that doesn't have that normal Epitaph type style to it. The opening song, "Love You More Dead," is classic. Lots of songs about love gone wrong. If your relationship is on the rocks and you're bitter, you'll want to pop this on. Even if your love life is great, you'll still dig this.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Married Punks #4: Inspected by Number Six CD Review

This originally appeared in issue four of Married Punks, most likely published in 1995. I don't know why I wrote the review this way, but I do kind of wish I still had the CD. Transcribed as it appears.

Inspected by Number Six

Imago put together this nice little sampler CD and decided to sent it to us. Okay ... It starts out with Rollins Band doing "Disconnect." A great opening homerun. Then the band My Head strikes out. Maggie Estep goes up to plate and hits a triple combining spoken work and music. Love Spit Love (Psychedelic Furs' frontman Richard Butler's new band) hits next. It's a single that sounds a lot like New Model Army. The Figgs strike out, as does Orangutang. Shitkicker takes the bat and the crowd yawns. They swing and hit a double. Metal rules! Sha-Key raps a bunt. A laid back woman rapper who evens the team out. Basehead hits a single. It's now a slow, boring game. Plan B hit a double, but it's almost a foul. They should be watched in the future. Their performance of dance music and guitar rock could prove faulty. Giant Sand miss two and hit a single. Overall, the CD is standard, but its moments of greatness are good and its low points are horrendous. Imago-6 MP-5.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Married Punks #4: Guttermouth "Friendly People" Review

This appeared in Married Punks #4, most likely published in 1995. Transcribed as it originally appeared.

Guttermouth Friendly People CD

I've liked Guttermouth since I've heard them on the Dr. Strange compilation, and then when I saw them play with The Offspring my ideas about them were reaffirmed. Now they are on Nitro, Brian Holland's new label. For the few that have never heard of them they sound like NOFX with more balls. Their lyrics border on bad taste, but that's what makes them great. However, they are not racists, as some have implied. All the songs on this release are excellent! There's a song that praises the death of straight-edge, mocks PC people, stands up for veggies and lambasts everyone. "Asshole" stands as one of my favorites. Get this and be the coolest kid on your block.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Married Punks #4: Glitz Review

From Married Punks #4, which was most likely published in 1995. I transcribed the review as it originally appeared.

Glitz Feed the Gatorz tape

More structured than their last release, and less experimental. Bad? Only if you feel that all music should sound like The Queers. Lots of songs about sucking cocks and getting sucked and fucked. Needless to say: I liked it. If you're not open to new things -- you won't like it. MRR would be ver displeased. Fuck 'em.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Married Punks #4: Das Klown Review

Originally appeared in Married Punks #4, which was probably published in 1995. Reprinted as it originally appeared.

Das Klown Blow Yer Self 7"

I've been wanting to hear this band for quite a few months now, but never got around to it. Now that I have heard it I can safely tell you that it was worth the wait. No person in their right mind could dislike this! There's three songs ("Blow Yer Self," "Blue Jay Way," "Billy Bad Ass") and each one is excellent. I can't even pick a favorite. These guys get my vote as one of the top punk bands of the year.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Excess Hollywood: The High-Grade Workforce and Neo

A piece I wrote on Keanu Reeves for Film Threat garnered the most hate mail the site ever received upon until that point. I was pretty proud of myself, and I think Chris Gore was delighted. This column (originally published 8/15/03) was my response to all the mail. Enjoy.

Click here to read the hate mail.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Married Punks #4: Tales From the Joint Book Review

Yet another book review from Married Punks #4, most likely published in 1995. Transcribed as it originally appeared. The book was written by Hawkeye Gross.

Tales From the Joint

This hardbound book is a true story involving the author's prison time, and the cast of characters he meets. Gross, sentenced for drug possession in a very riveting opening, runs into some interesting people. There's Ted Bundy, Leory the Jitterbug (a hyper young guy with no morals), the head of the Outlaws (a very non-cliched type of guy) and the author's best friend in there: Judge Joe Peel, a jailhouse lawyer. This is chockful of stereotype destroying stories of what life is really like behind bars. An interesting fact to note: Gross says, "This [a long probation with strict parole] is the one chance the justice system has to keep the career criminal classification off a large number of first-timers entering prison. A sentence of probation keeps the fear of prison alive, and it just might be enough to cause a person to change his ways .... Because, once a person gets behind bars, he quickly realizes that he can adapt to the circumstances ... the fear factor of doing time in a penitentary is eliminated." Food for thought, isn't it?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Married Punks #4: Street Gangs Book Review

This appeared in issue #4 of Married Punks, published (most likely) in 1995. I transcribed it as it appears. This is possibly the worst book review I've written.

Street Gangs

A very comprehensive, and accurate, guide to today's gangs. Skinheads, Korean, Asian, Bloods and so on. The author (unknown) writes about initiation rites, graffiti to look for, areas they operate in and their histories. The book is 74 pages long and not one page is wasted on nonsense. I highly recommend this only if you are interested in gangs, otherwise this book wouldn't interest you.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Married Punks #4: Poor Man's James Bond Vol. 1 Book Review

Reprinted as it originally appeared in Married Punks #4, published (most likely) in 1995.

Poor Man's James Bond Vol. 1

Survivalists, you must get this! Info on making zip guns, fireworks, body armor, cyanide, how to commit arson by phone, Marine hand to hand combat and much more. Jesus, you have to see it to believe it. What a valuable book. As you can tell-- this gets my official seal of approval.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Married Punks #4: Da Qiang Ji Book Review

Another reprint from Married Punks#4, with a publication date (most likely) 1995.

Da Qiang Ji: Power Striking

Power striking is the art of hitting and kicking for more power. This comprehensive book not only shows you how to do power striking, it also shows you why it works. By using easy to understand text and illustrations it teaches the reader how to combine various methods for greater striking power. This is a must for anyone interested in the martial arts.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Married Punks #4: Maybe We Should Kill All The Drug Abusers

I'm reprinting this from issue four of Married Punks, a 'zine I helped do. While there is no date on the issue, I believe it is from 1995. I wrote this under the moniker of Doug Chaos. All mistakes are left in.

Maybe We Should Kill All The Drug Abusers


Doug Chaos

I'm all for the legalization of drugs. While being straight myself, I don't care what people put into their bodies, but sometimes I get a little pissed.

I really start to get mad when other people's bad habits begin to affect my life. They get drunk then get in my face. They're tripping and asking me stupid questions. People tell me I should lighten up. "They're just fucked up. Let it go. They aren't harming anyone."

They're bothering me, and that's enough.

I sometimes stay in an apartment complex where drugs are the norm (note: I have just moved out), drunken parties keep me up at night and police helicopters and cruisers are fast becoming a normal sight. I gotta worry about being busted because I'm there. Even thought I didn't do all that shit I get grouped in nonetheless. I don't like to be in the same category as these animals. I can control myself and I don't need artificial stimulants to have a good time or to loosen up. I find that to be weak, but I would not advocate taking that away from someone. I've come up with a better solution. Remember that these are all for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Like I stated before; I think drugs should become legal. I doubt it will happen though, so we need a different solution. This solution should only be used if drugs or alcohol are directly fucking up your life. Your neighbors throw beer bottles in your yard, you're taking up the slack at your job due to some lazy pot smoker and so on.

Revenge and death is the key. Death should only be the solution in extreme cases. If a drunk driver kills your wife or husband, but lives, wait until he or she is done with their jail time and hunt them the fuck down. If some whack job on speed comes up to you and waves a knife in your face and demands money, pump three bullets into their head. The cops won't be too upset.

If the case isn't that extreme there is still some things you can do. If your neighbor is tossing those beer bottles in your yard; save them. Next time they're having a party just place them under the tires of all the cars parked out front. Better yet; get a bunch of friends together and give them back -- through their windows.

Don't bother turning in druggies to cops. It doesn't work. Instead take the license plates off their cars. Imagine the paranoia as a coke addict is pulled over by the Man.

For extreme situations you can do a drive-by on a drug house. Instead of bullets throw Moltovs.

Of course, this is only for the people that cause you trouble. If you are a drinker or a drug user that is responsible, then I have no problem with you. I stand by you in exercising your freedoms. If, however, your actions are infringing on the rights of others, you deserve what you get.

Just for the record: if you are having a problem with a dumb drug abuser you can tell them some interesting things. Mention how one guy you knew used to get a rush cheaply by drinking a quarter cup of bleach with a Jim Beam chaser. Tell them about the hallucingenic qualities of placing two drops of lye in each eye. The fun is limitless.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Excess Hollywood: Colin Farrell Revisited

Originally published 8/6/03 on Film Threat, click here to read my response to a hate letter I received about my original Colin Farrell piece.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Excess Hollywood: The Best Actress You Never Heard Of

Originally published on 8/1/03 on Film Threat. This is all about Beth Ulrich. Click here to read it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Excess Hollywood: The Fights Of The Century

Originally published on Film Threat 7/24/03. This one deals with my idea for fights between movie franchises. Click here to read it.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Excess Hollywood: Blood Orgy Of The Atomic Worm

This originally appeared on Film Threat on 6/30/03. Click here to read my take on a questionable action performed by then President Bush's daughter.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Excess Hollywood: The Silence Of The Audience

Click here to read a piece that first appeared 7/28/05. I lament the fact that people don't seem to really talk about movies anymore.

This originally appeared on Film Threat.

Pimpadelic Review

This originally appeared in the January 2001 issue of Tattoo Savage.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Excess Hollywood: The Shrine Of Bad

This originally appeared on Film Threat 6/19/03. Click here to see what I thought was the worst movie I had seen up until that point.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Tattoo Savage 2001/Nashville Pussy/Spineshank

Here are scans of two reviews that appeared in the July 2001 issue of Tattoo Savage.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Movie Review: Sunday School Musical

Originally published by Film Threat on 2/3/09. Click here to read my review of the religious take on High School Musical.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Movie Review: Current

Originally published 1/27/01 on Film Threat. It's a short film (and a short review). Click here to read it.

Movie Review: What Would Jesus Buy?

Published on Film Threat, 6/4/09. A subversive documentary that serves as a not-so-subtle reminder about the nature of capitalism. Click here to read.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Excess Hollywood: Uncle Dino's Dead

Published 6/5/03 on Film Threat. This Excess Hollywood piece is about me making prank phone calls about Dean Martin.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Friday, May 8, 2009

Excess Hollywood: Introducing The New Steven Seagal

Originally published 5/7/03 on Film Threat, this Excess Hollywood piece is about me trying to save Vin Diesel's career.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Regan Reese Interview

Here's my interview with the star of Amateur Porn Star Killer 3 and many adult films, Regan Reese: Click here. Originally published 5/3/09 on Film Threat.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Alias Zone

This is a partial review of Alias Zone's "Lucid Dreams" which ran in my Violence Fetish e-mail. I no longer have the full review.

"...words are incapable of giving a definitive meaning to what flows from the stereo's speakers when the first track, Phunque, begins. Alias Zone, which is more of an experience than it is a 'band,' offers up loops, ambient, exotica and world beats infected with foreign language to present a trippy, otherworldly dream that rests just south of the nine-to-five grind. (And that is very apparent on I Have Stopped Dreaming, which just about kills every living thing in a five mile radius whenever it is played) ... The music just isn't meant for everyone. Instead, it is music designed by divine hands for creators and dreamers. The rest of the world will enjoy it, but won't understand it. Those who spend more time in their own reality, however, will find that this suits them just fine."
Doug Brunell/Violence Fetish Online 10/16/01

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Excess Hollywood: Growing Bush For The Japanese

Originally published on Film Threat 5/1/03. It was my first "Excess Hollywood" column after two rejected ones. It's about Asia Argento and her film "Scarlet Diva."

Click here to read.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Holy Land Book Review

This is a book review that may or may not have been published a few years ago on the Fearless Books site. The site does not post reviews any longer.

Polaris Books
The Holy Land
by Robert Zubrin
ISBN: 0-9741443-0-4
298 pages, softcover

Writing a biting satire on American social and political issues is hard enough. Writing an excellent science fiction novel that does that is near impossible, though authors like L. Ron Hubbard have accomplished just that very thing. Robert Zubrin can now be included in that elite club, too.
The Holy Land deals with many issues, but is primarily about the American government’s response to Minervans who have relocated to their ancient homeland -- Kennewick, Washington. As to be expected, the corrupt president and his administration don’t like the aliens, and religious leaders see them as a threat to Christian culture. What follows is a tale of warfare, bigotry, corruption, greed and political dirty tricks on an interplanetary scale.
Zubrin’s story not only takes jabs at post-9/11 hysteria, it also mocks America’s sordid history. Jingoism and empty-minded patriotism has been the rule throughout our culture rather than the exception, and this books shows the results of taking them to their logical extremes, which makes for some highly entertaining and amusing reading. Of course, some people might not get the joke. For the rest of us, however, we can be thankful this isn’t really happening. Or is it?


Sunday, March 8, 2009

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Film Review Blurb: The Garbage Man

Originally published by CPI Home Video. Date unknown. Review was also used on some of the movie posters.


If link doesn't work, please cut and paste.

Saturday, February 7, 2009