Confidentially Kiva Review

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks published in 1998.


Confidentially Kiva

Hustler gives this high marks, so you know it's got to be good.  Not only that, there's a great goth-like music playing throughout the video, which is unlike the normal Xplor fare.  So what is this?

It's Kiva having real orgasms.  No, these aren't the fake ones like your girlfriend does, these are screaming, body shaking orgasms that just rip your VCR to shreds with their power.

Kiva is featured in all the scenes, of course, mostly alone, but sometimes with a man eating her or jerking off in her face.  There are so many scenes, too, some with special effects, some without.  Some are done outdoors, some in costume (a favorite is where Kiva masturbates while looking like Poison Ivy from The Cramps).  She uses her hand, the shower head, and men's tongues (who get their heads squeezed hard when her magic moment arrives).

This tape will leave you breathless.  Kiva is the real deal.  She was a professional model, who is now deeply in the sex scene, and she has a brain.  And get this, these videos will appeal to women, too!  Finally, something that doesn't make females feel embarrassed and intellectual guys feel like lechers for liking this stuff.  Kiva, you kick ass like nobody's business!

Xploring Stefanie

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks in 1998.


Xploring Stefanie

I first encountered Stefanie when I called Xplor Media.  I had wanted to let the people there know that I had received their videos, and that I was quite pleased with the quality.  Stefanie was the girl who answer the phone.

My first impression was that she was nice and very perky.  She almost sounded happy with her job.  Then she invited me to a video shoot.  I knew that I had to interview her.

She offers a very interesting perspective on what goes on inside the workings of a porn production house.  I find it interesting, to say the least, especially considering my job.

Introducing Stefanie ...

Married Punks: How old are you?

Stefanie:  I'm 23, and I'm a nice girl from Michigan.

MP:  How did you get involved with Xplor Media?

S:  I moved to San Diego and was going through the newspaper looking for a job and saw one that said, "video sales rep wanted."  I'd previously managed a record/video store so I called to check it out.  Well, it turns out it was a porno sales rep wanted.  Since I just moved out here I need cash and decided to check it out.  It turned out that everyone at Xplor is young and cool, so I took the job, and it's the best one I've ever had!

MP:  What is your job title?

S:  My job title is now Public Relations gal.  I get people to write stories about us and review our product.  It's fun; I like showing people why our company is different from all the others.  We have unique product and attitudes, and I like spreading the gospel.

MP:  So I see.  Describe your typical work day.

S:  I don't have a typical day.  Every day is different.  Sometimes I spend all day on the phone or writing letters to media folk.  Or if we're doing a shoot I go and help out.  Somebody's gotta hand out lube and towels!  We also have a large mailorder business, and if they're extremely busy I work in there.  That's a lot of fun because customers can be downright nuts sometimes.  They'll tell you anything, and the crazier ones make great topics for conversation at the parties.

MP:  Explain your appearance in Here Comes Elska.

S:  Oh my, I can't explain my cameo in Here Comes Elska.  Just plain craziness.  My boss, Tim Lake, is a mad genius and gets people to do weird things sometimes.  His videos are full of strange humor and situations, and I like to be involved as much as I can.

MP:  What is one of the oddest work experiences you've had?

S:  I think my job in general is an odd work experience.  I'm used to it now, but if you did my job for a day you would probably be a little freaked.  In what other job would you say something like, "Yeah, that triple anal was good, but she should've been sucking cock and juggling kittens at the same time" in a matter-of-fact fashion?

People call me and tell me how much they "love hair bush.  No, you don't understand.  I LOVE HAIRY BUSH. SEND ME A HAIRY BUSH TAPE NOW!"

And every time I promote a girl it's not about saying how nice she is and what a great personality she has, but about how sexy she is, how great her tits are, and how she fucks like an animal.  It's kinda weird, but really funny to me.  There's a lot of humorous stuff going on in this industry.

MP:  I understand that.  What do you think is the biggest misconception that people have about the adult industry?

S:  Well, people seem to think that all we do all day is have sex and do drugs.  Sadly, this isn't true.  We have a regular office where we run our mailorder business, our retail sales, our website, we design our own boxes, edit our films, and do our own shipping.  It's totally legit; we don't have time for sex.  And as for drugs -- well, marijuana isn't really a drug, is it?

MP:  Has working at Xplor Media opened your eyes to anything?

S:  Working here and seeing and hearing about all the insane fetishes people have makes me feel so much better about myself.  I'm not a freak after all.  That's so reassuring!

MP:  Do you ever plan on starring in a video?

S:  The only company I would trust enough to make a video for is ours, but I'm not real comfortable with all my friends here seeing me naked and spread.  It kinda creeps me out, actually.  Besides, have you ever seen the guys who do porno?  Gross.  You couldn't pay me enough to have sex with those ugly bastards.  And the girls -- yuck, again.  Too many of them look great with the make-up, but without, holy troll.

MP:  Any last words?  Get 'em off your chest!

S:  If you've always wanted to be in an adult video, I suggest you submit a tape for us to use in our Homegrown Video series, which is all amateur.  Or ladies can send your photo to my boss, Tim Lake.  He's a great person and has helped quite a few girls get their start.

If you want to rent a good video, I suggest Here Comes Elska, Dreamhouse, or Sex 4 Life.  They're my favorites!  Oh, and if the guy who keeps leaving me the "I wanna suck the corn out of your poop" messages on my voice mail is reading this, I'd appreciate it if you'd please stop.  Thanks.