Maggot Sandwich Interview

Originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks


Maggot Sandwich

Maggot Sandwich may be familiar to some of you.  What do you want?  A medal?  For those that don't know, it's a punk band.  No, not like Green Day, The Offspring or Bad Religion.  It's a band that maybe hasn't gotten the attention it deserves, which is why I'm doing this.

I was introduced to the sounds of this band, which has been around for years, when its newest CD, Sleaze Factor, was sent my way to see if I wanted to carry it with Chimp West.  Of course I did!  Hell, Johnny Wadd (the band, not the movie character) is inspired by Maggot Sandwich.  Why wouldn't I carry it?

I should note that the pictures originally sent were exposed to water by some postman somewhere.  They all stuck together, but looked like band shots.  Instead, I have some other photos that were sent later (some from New Olreans during Mardi Gras, and one from a swinger mag).  They don't have much to do with the interview, but you'll look at them anyway because that's what people do when they read an interview.  For the record, this interview took place in Spain, surrounded by the bodies of dead politicans and would-be assassins, who succeeded in their attempts, but paid the ultimate price.  We were shook up, but continued with the interview anyway.  The man answering the questions is Vik Kaos (guitars and vocals).  The other members of the band are: John Stewart on bass and Graeme Straeffer pounding the drums.

Married Punks: You guys have been around for over 15 years.  You all have other jobs and are fathers.  Why continue with this?  Do you ever question if it's worth it?

Vik Kaos:  We love to play.  I never question my instincts.  We get joy and satisfaction from doing what we want and being good at it.  We're setting an example for our kids; that money is not the only motiviation in life.

MP:  In all they years that you've been a band, what is the most memorable moment?  And, more importantly, what was it like playing with the Dead Kennedys (a favorite of mine)?

VK:  Getting to meet people whose music I admire, like the Dead Kennedys, Bad Brains, Circle Jerks, and lots of others has been great, but opening for the Dead Kennedys in New Orleans was the most memorable.  It was on a week night, and we all had to work the day before and after the show.  The club was a fancy schmancey disco-like place we had never played before.  The promoter of the show gave us bad directions, so we were late as hell getting there.  As we were loading in our equipment, our pals Shell Shock were playing already.  Mike Hatch and the gang totally rocked. (RIP Mike.)  As we got ready to play, I saw Jello and East Bay sitting in the balcony to our right.  I was nervous as hell.  We totally rocked the house, got a huge pit going; it was like a dream.  When we finished our set, we were greeted on stage by Jello, who helped us move our equipment off the stage and told us we were the "ultimate garage band."  I took it as a compliment.  Unlike most of my heroes that I've met, Jello was a really nice guy.  After they played, Jello told us that we had blown them away (not true).  The promoter of the show paid us double our guarantee--that never happened before or since--and told us we had stole the show.  With our egos fully inflated, we got in our van for the four hour drive home just in time to go to work.  So much for rock stardom.

MP:  You've seen a lot of trends in punk come and go.  What's good about it now?  What's bad?

VK:  I am a musician whose music has been called "punk" since about 1977.  Sometimes the music I play is in style.  Sometimes it's not.  I don't change or pay much attention to trends.  To me, it's about music, not skating or hairstyles or fashion or politically correctness or snow boarding or any of the other goofy shit supposedly connected to the punk scene.  To quote another of my heroes I have opened up for, Government Issue, "The scene is just an empty dream, but who wants to face reality?."

MP:  Where do you see it in ten years?

VK:  In ten years there will still be people who make music without profit motive.  The scene will be the same wonderful empty dream for a new batch of kids and old farts like me.  If I'm still alive, I will still be playing.

MP:  Will it still be viable?

VK:  It won't be financially viable, but it is not now, is it?

MP:  Speak for yourself.  I'm making millions from this rag.  Okay, onto politics.  What are your political views?

VK:  My political views run similar to the Libertarian Party, but I'm not a member.  The government is immoral and corrupt and has no right to be a moral authority.  All laws forcing Christian morality bullshit on non-Christians like myself totally offends me.  All laws about sex, nudity, drugs, prostitution, any moral issue--I do not give the government moral authority over my life.

MP:  Good answer!  It's odd, people like you and I think that the government does try to push morals (and capitalism, I might add) down our throats, but others think that the government lacks any morals whatsoever, which leads to my next question.  What do you think about a "Right Wing conspiracy" to oust the President?

VK:  The conspiracy to get Clinton is so obvious it's silly.  I don't give a fuck who Clinton or Jimmy Swaggert get blow jobs from.  More moralistic bullshit from the most immoral government on Earth.  I don't really care for Clinton or anyone corrupt enough to secure any nomination from either the Republicans or Democrats.

MP:  You may think it's silly, but I'll nail that bastard yet.  Onward ... this issue features a lot of pornography, both mainstream and fringe.  What are your feelings on the subject of pornography?

VK:  I like pornography.  It's good, healthy entertainment for us consumers.  It's a great outlet for exhibitionists, and an easy way to make a living for an awful lot of people.

MP:  Do you have a favorite movie or star?

VK:  I find the porn star stuff to be boring compared to the homemade stuff.  I like to see people in it for the ograsms, not the money.  I want to see the girls really come, not fake it like the "pros."

MP:  See Colours of Kiva then.  You'll love it.  Have you ever made a porno video?  If so, can I see it?

VK:  I don't have a camcorder, or I would have made my own by now.

MP:  All right, I'm getting serious now.  Describe Sleaze Factor for those that haven't heard it.

VK:  Sleaze Factor is songs I have written over the last couple years.  My ex-wife took my son out of the country and has denied me visitation for years.  The hatred and sorrow I have been feeling is reflected in the material.  The music has a variety of sounds, all styles of rock and roll.  The lyrics are more personal than in the past, but I tried not to make it cry-baby shit.  (God, I hate cry-baby music.)  Like all Maggot Sandwich releases, it rocks hard and was mixed to be played loud.  It's pretty good for a home recording, and the art and graphics are better than any major label crap.

MP:  Your home state, Florida, has always seemed like hypocritical state to me.  On one hand, you have the forces of Dade County bureaucracy and the folks that bused Michael Diana, and on the other hand, Florida has some of the kinkiest people and a ton of S/M and B/D mistresses.  Bondage Tymes comes out of Florida.  Why do you think this is?

VK:  Florida has a well deserved image as a bunch of assholes.  The religious right controls the state along with the tourism industry and a strong elderly lobby.  The hypocrisy comes from the reaction of real people to the religious oppression.  It also explains the large Satanist movement among the youth.  The parents teach the kids all about Satan and all the fun things associated with being anti-Christian, then they can't understand when their kids worship Satan.  They have made the Satan mythology more attractive than the mythological Heaven they desire themselves.  The more oppressed a population, the kinkier they get.  It's kind of amusing to watch.

MP:  How has the Florida punk scene treated Maggot Sandwich?

VK:  We have played more concerts in Florida than any other state.  We have sold more music in Florida than any other state.  Our old releases are valuable to Florida collectors.  Yet we still don't consider ourselves insiders in the Florida scene.  We feel like outsiders.  I go to more shows in New Orleans than any Florida city.  For example, Miami is a 13 hour drive from Pensacola, about as close as Washington, DC.  New Orleans is now about 3.5 hours since the speed limit is now 70 most of the way.  So to most of the Florida scene, we are about as important as bands from Alabama and Mississippi.  And that is fine with us.

MP:  Dispel a popular rumor concerning your band.

VK:  Many of today's politically correct 12 year old 'zine reviewers consider some of our songs to be sexist.  Maybe they are.  My ex-wife used to be in the band.  I caught her cheating on me long ago, inspiring songs like "Office Slut" and "She Does Too."  In our divorce, she ruined me financially.  Since our divorce she has denied me visitation with my son, and now eight years later we have three court battles in two states over custody of my son and related bullshit.  I'm enclosing a Swinger's Galore advertisment that she ran a couple years ago looking for lesbian lovers.  She's a total human pile of shit.  She's a woman and that won't keep me from attacking her in my music.  I don't care what anyone thinks.  If that makes me sexist, than you can suck my motherfucking dick.  I have earned the right to attack her with songs like "CFH" (Cunt From Hell), and I will.

MP:  I understand.  Personally, I think there's a big difference between sexist and truth.  On to lighter subjects.  What is the most memorable prank you've ever pulled?

VK:  There is a little Florida town called Niceville (it's not too nice) in a really rural Alabama-like area of Northwest Florida.  They ahve a lovely little community college called Okaloosa-Walton Community College.  I can't overemphasize the redneck qualities of this school.  The only punks at the school got put in charge of the entertainment committee to arrange entertainment for the school's Valentine's dance, so they hired Maggot Sandwich as entertainment.  We all dressed up; I borrowed a tux.  When we started playing, most of the crowd ran for the exits.  Some of the braver rednecks tried to drown us out with disco over the school's public address system; it just made us get louder and angrier.  I blew up the borrowed amp I was using (I had blown my own amp the week before opening for the Descendents at the Cameo Theater in Miami).  So the redneck kids got one of their teachers to come up to us, pay us, and ask us to leave.  I had no amp to continue with, so we left with our money and the satisfaction that we had helped a couple kids offend their entire school.

MP:  That's fuckin' great!  What a good way to end this.  Any last words you want to get in?  Speak them now, or forever hold your piece (preferably a .45).

VK:  If you like rock and roll music, especially the kind some people call punk rock, you very well may enjoy the new Maggot Sandwich CD, Sleaze Factor.  I hope you check it out.  We put a lot of time and effort into putting it out ourselves.  We don't need any fucking record label telling us what to say or how to sound, so the CD is the real Maggot Sandwich for better or worse--you decide.

Tales From The Workforce Part 7

This was originally published in Married Punks #13 in 1998.  The series would later be made into a manuscript, which I will be publishing soon.


Tales From the Workforce Part 7: Vomiting Ghoul

Halloween brought a tradition to the resort that is practiced all over the country: the haunted hayride.  Here, grandparents and grandchildren, young couples looking for an excuse to cuddle, and kids who think that they are braver than what they truly are sit inside a hay lined wagon and journey down a dark trail.  The passengers wait in eager anticipation for poorly made-up monsters to jump out and scare them.

My friends and I decided to really create something scary.  I got my battle axe, which I had scrounged from my dad's bar, and I made up a batch of fake blook like is used in the movies.  Then, I along with Jack, Fred and Tony found a spot along the trail where we could set up our little spectacle.

The rules of the resort stated that we could not jump on the haywagon, nor could we touch anyone on the haywagon.  No problem; we had a cool plan that required none of that.

By the side of the trail we built a huge bonfire.  When the wagon would reach the bend before the fire, Fred was to come running after it.  He would be screaming for help.  As soon as he would reach the back of the haywagon, he would make as if to board when I would pop out of the woods with my axe, "bite" his shoulder while letting the fake blood run out of my mouth.  After that, I would "hit" him on the head with my dull axe.  That was our plan.

Jack and Tony were to wait until the wagon reached the bonfire, and then Tony would rush the wagon from around the fire; his face painted to resemble a skull.  Jack, shirtless and sporting a similar paint job, would leap out of a tree, roll past the fire and rush the wagon also.  That was the cool, kick-ass, cannibal attack plan.  At least it was until Kyle showed up.

Kyle, drinking a wine cooler, was drunk off his ass.  Upon seeing us, he immediately took off his shirt and demanded to be part of our production.  He was our friend, so we agreed.  We painted his face and told him that he would run out with Tony.  We also went over the rules with him.

The haywagon was nearing us.  Jack went off into the woods to urinate while Kyle emptied his alcohol-filled bladder beside the fire.  Then we took our places...

"Help me!" Fred screamed, running out of the woods and after the haywagon full of screaming passengers.  "He's going to kill me!"

I burst out of the woods, covered in blood and snarling.  It was great!  Fred attempted to grab onto the wagon, and that is when the plan started to fall apart.

I pulled Fred away from the wagon and pretended to bite him as he howled in mock pain; blood running down his shoulder.  The people on the ha ywagon were flipping out!  They didn't know if all of this were real or not.

I brought the axe down ... a little too far, and knocked Fred in his head.  He yelped in real pain this time, which I thought was fake anyway, and I pushed him to the ground.  There was a muted, hollow thunking noise as his skull crashed into a large rock.  He did not yelp this time; he only groaned.

The hay wagon kept going and approached the bonfire.  Jack, totally off cue, dropped from the tree and rolled right into Kyle's urine.  "Why am I wet?" he yelled, standing up and angrily brushing himself off.

Tony, meanwhile, followed the plan and scared people.  Kyle did not.

Kyle jumped on the wagon and leaned down between an old woman and her granddaughter.  He made some ghoul-like noise; his long hair billowing iback and forth as he shook his head like some out of control monster.

The combination of Kyle's head motion and the hay wagon bouncing must have unsettled his alcohol-filled stomach because he let loose with a flow of oddly textured vomit that would have made any frat boy proud.  The grandmother and granddaughter, who received most of the vomit on their heads, thought that it was part of the ride and applauded in delight.  Perhaps they were drunk, too.

Later that night, I was chewed out by my boss, who could not tell the people what really happened, and was barred from letting non-employees participate in next year's hayride.  I quit a little while later after the British owners fucked over my dad.  To quote Danzig, "I hate the fucking British."  Not really, but I did then.

Next time, it's the return of Kyle and the beginning of my stint in the convenience store.

Journalism Law: A Rough Overview Part Three -- Invasion of Privacy

Originally appeared in issue 13 of Married Punks published in 1998.


Journalism Law: A Rough Overview Part Three -- Invasion of Privacy

Invasion of privacy is a tricky matter.  Not every state recognizes it, though many more are starting to, and it has many variations on the theme.  There are torts involved (such as false appropriation, i.e., using someone's image without the person's permission to sell a product [like I did last issue with Sandra Bullock]), and the laws vary state by state.  So how do you protect yourself?

There are no easy answers to that question.  Instead, circumstances must be looked at.  One of the most important: is the person a public or newsworthy figure?  If not, tread carefully.  Printing intimate details of your neighbor's sex life may get you in trouble.  If you happen to have been having sex with Tim Armstrong or Linda Lovelace, then you would probably be protected, unless you were purposely setting out to destroy someone.

There is a difference, however, between destroying someone and uncomvering a story.  If the story uncovered has some newsworthy potential, then you would most likely be protected.  Let's say you hear a rumor through the grapevine that your high school football couach is videotaping the guys in the locker room.  You do a bit of investigative reporting and find out that the coach is doing it.  Naturally, the coach isn't exactly a public figure or even newsworthy, but the story is.  You could print it, and most likely be safe.  Actually, the coach would be better off claiming libel because claiming invasion of privacy implies that the story is true.  The newsworthy aspect is tricky, though.

Suppose you uncover the fact that the coach isn't filming his boys, but smokes a little marijuana instead.  Is this newsworthy?  Most likely not.  If he's a staunch anti-drug advocate however, and requires drug testing for his athletes, then it would be newsworthy.  The invasion of privacy issue is mostly situation based.  There are some clear cut rules, though.

One of the biggest is known as false appropriation.  In other words, don't steal someone's image to sell your product.  This goes on a lot in the punk/'zine community and is rarely challenged by the people whose images are used.  It's rare that this happens, but the mayor of New York was recently involved in a case like this concerning a publication and bus ads.

When it comes to pictures, another thing not to do is to use someone's picture (or image of a certain item) to promote a story that has nothing to do with the picture.  Don't take a picture of the houswife next door and then use it in an article dealing with the fact that three out of four housewives have sex with animals.  This type of invasion of privacy sometimes happens in the broadcast news field.

The best protection against an invasion of privacy suit is to avoid an action if it just feels wrong.  Don't print non-newsworthy items about "regular" people.  Don't eavesdrop and print what you hear if it isn't important.  What it boils down to is: Don't do it to someone if you wouldn't want it done to you.

Das Klown Live at Zed Review

Originally published in 1998 in issue #13 of Married Punks.


Das Klown Live at Zed

Das Klown hasn't been in these pages since A.J.'s wedding, and it's about damn time!

This live CD, recorded at Zed Records in Long Beach, CA, shows that Das Klown is as tight live as it is in the studio.  Its brand of heavy hitting, fuck PC, true punk rock is always a breath of fresh air.  The band really struts its stuff on "Big Words," "Hopeless," "Timebomb" and the classic "Blow Yer Self."

Those thinking the production may suffer because it's live are dead wrong.  Das Klown has never sounded sharper!  Long live the Klown!

The Third Wave Review

Originally published 12/10/11 on Film Threat, this is a review of a documentary that many have heralded as being the "ultimate volunteer" movie.  I had different thoughts on the subject.  You can read the entire thing here.

William of the Farm Interview

Originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.  Caution: Do not read if you are easily disturbed.  You have been warned.


William of the Farm

I first came across William of the Farm when he sent me a copy of his publication, Wild Revue for me to review.  While animals don't turn me on, and watching people screw animals doesn't qualify as erection making material for me, I was quite fascinated with the fact that some people do get off on sex with animals.

In his publication, there are women talking about their first time with dogs and classifieds from men looking for women with dolphin tanks.  It's a bizarre world that is hidden from mainstream eyes, and maybe that is for the best.

This interview isn't here to say that I approve or disapprove of bestiality.  It is done merely to educate.  Learn on, young soldiers!

Married Punks:  What is your name, age, and how did you first become interested in females who love animals?

William of the Farm:  I prefer not to provide personal information.  I got interested in female bestiality way back in the '50s when I was in high school.  There was a girl named Marie in my school who it was said to have made it with a Cocker Spaniel.  She was sort of the class punching bag, although I never had any association with her.  I did know a girl who was her friend.  This girl and Marie had a contest to see who could take the most broom handle and Marie won at eight and a half inches.  I later saw the Linda Lovelace dog films in the early 1970s, and then I remembered the high school stories about Maria.

MP:  There was a similar story in my hometown about a guy named Ron and a cat, which leads me to my next question.  How widespread is this sort of thing?  Does it stereotypically fit in with the farming and country community, or does it reach into all corners of life?

WOTF:  I think almost all women have thought about it at least once in their life.  The old Kinsey statistics were that about five percent had some kind of animal contact, about two percent had actually done it with an animal and about one percent continued to do it.  The German Hafner report done in 1992 showed that two to three percent of women had tried dog sex, and eighty percent of those who did continued to do it.  I would guess at least twice these numbers is the case today.  First, you have a generation of women who are not inhibited about taking sexual pleasure like their mothers were.  A high percentage of these women are divorced, turned off by relationships, but they still have sexual needs.  To them, using a dog is noo different than a vibrator.

MP:  At one time, bestiality movies and books were fairly easy to obtain.  That's not the case anymore.  What brought this change about?   Are their still new movies being made?  If so, are they all strictly foreign, or do some come from America?

WOTF:  The availability of bestiality sex films varies with the enforcement climate.  They were readily available in the early 1970s.  It was easier to prove a bestial film was obscene than a straight sex film, so enforcement suppressed them and they became real scarce.  Then, as the enforcement relaxed, they became available (US) in the mid '80s.  For some reason they were more available in Pennsylvania than other places at that time.  Then came another period of repression.  Then, as enforcement concentrated on kiddie porn, they have become more available.  They are sold openly in New York City, but that is the only place I know of in the US.  A lot of porn shops in the big cities have them, but they are under the counter.

There is almost no kiddie porn in the US today, but in order to keep the government kiddie porn enforcement group in existence, they resorted to creating kiddie porn and mailing it to targets, hoping to find something incriminating when they search the target's home after he gets his shipment from them.  I haven't heard of this much lately.  What they are doing now is labeling material kiddie porn if the subjects are dressed to look like minors.  This is, again, creating something to repress so they can show they are enforcing public morals, and justify their budget.  I think most of the current attention is on the Internet.

Almost all commercial bestiality material is done overseas, Holland being the main center for it.  Some Iron Curtain material has been coming in since the Berlin Wall came down, and there is a lot of (poorly done) material from South America.  The only US material is amateur stuff.  The old Linda Lovelace dog films are still about the best US material.

MP:  Describe to us your publication, and tell me why you decided to do it.

WOTF:  Wild Revue is an art review, with focus on women animal art.  I had collected a lot of art as well as adult material, and decided in 1991 to see if there was any interest in the subject.  It is impossible to treat the subject without covering the pornographic material.  You see the same themes in a high class painting and a Danish porn film, it is just the degree of explict sex that separates them.  There was one painting that won Royal Academy raves that was almost identical to an earlier pornographic work.  In the porn work, three girls are leading a bull to pasture, one is holding the penis and the bull has garlands around his horns.  In the painting, they left out the girl holding the penis, put the other girl along side the bull so you can't see the penis, and called it "Rite of Spring."  The garlands were retained.  It was highly regarded as a piece of fine art.

MP:  How many readers do you have?  More male than female?

WOTF:  About 800 readers for a typical issue, more male than female, but with a surprising number of women and couples.

MP:  How do you find people interested in this?

WOTF:  I suspect a lot of the women find it erotically stimulating, even though they would have no intention of trying it.  The Nancy Friday books, Forbidden Flowers and Women on Top, both have examples of female bestial fantasies.

MP:  Have you run into any legal troubles?  If so, what has happened?  Is your publication within the bounds of the law?

WOTF:  We keep the revue strictly within the legal bounds.  It is what I consider "R" rated.  We avoid explicit, graphical sex depictions, but allow nudity.  When people tell of their experiences, these are pretty explicit, but the Constitution allows this.  We police the ads and tone down any that are too explicit.

MP: Have you ever had an experience with an animal?

WOTF:  No, other than as an observer.

MP:  I imagine that you have seen some strange things, even by your standards, which appear to more open than most people's.  What is the strangest thing you've seen when it comes to bestiality.

WOTF:  The strangest thing was a lady who was only interested in harmless snakes over four inches in diameter.  I will leave the rest to your imagination.  It is surprising to me that snakes are sexy to some women.  We did a centerfold in issue number six of an "Eve" and her snake.  The snake belonged to the model, and I have since met a stripper who has a big snake and uses it sometimes in her act.  Snakes have a phallic symbolism that is more apparent to women than men.

MP:  How do you think that the entire concept can become more open and acceptable to the mainstream?  Do you even want that, or would it be better for it to remain essentially underground?

WOTF:  I don't see any near term relaxation of the taboos, if anything we are going into a more repressive period.  The only bright spot is that women seem to be choosing things for themselves, and more are saying what they do with their bodies is their own business.

MP:  Is bestiality growing in popularity?  If so, why do you think that is?

WOTF:  Yes, with the risk of AIDS, many swinging couples are going to the dogs, rather than risk disease through contact with an infected male.  This still lets the male in the couple get to see his mate well taken care of without the risk of disease.  The AIDS virus can't live in a dog's body more than a few minutes, so there is essentially no risk.  The same goes for most other human diseases, except for a few common to humans and dogs, but these are not encountered in a healthy dog.

MP:  How can someone contact you for information on your publication?

WOTF:  For information on Wild Revue, send a business sized SASE to Farm News/ PO Box [xxxxxx]/Orlando, FL [xxxxx].  If you include $10.00 we will send a sample copy.  [Note:  I am not including the full address as I have no idea if the publication is still being published.]

William was also kind enough to send me a list of videos that can be obtained from what he called a "reliable" source.  These titles include Dog Sensation, Lesbian Dog Orgy, Mustang Explosions, Eel Fucking Sluts, Donkey Love and Get Me Dog.  I'm not going to reprint the address because the people did not send it to me directly.  If you want to know more about it, contact William.

The C*nts "A Secret History of ..." Review

This review, the CD of which was sent for that purpose by Disturbing Records, was originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.


The C*nts A Secret History of ...

This is a limited edition, "best of" sort of thing from a garage band that's been around since 1977, though I never heard anything by it until now.  I've obviously been missing out.

The opening song, "Abstract Salamander Dilemma," rips right out of the speakers and kicks this CD off properly.  Other treasures include "Brian's Got an Axe," "Chemicals in the Mail" and "Hey Little Girl."  Of course, there's a few duds, but they don't detract from the overall listening experience.

I've listened to this four times in three days, which I never do.  I did that because I'm getting tired of the pop punk I'm sent all too often.  Bands like this make me glad I listen to punk instead of alternative or radio crap.

Bickley "Pogo Au Go-Go" Review

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks in 1998.  Fearless Records sent this to me for review.


Bickley Pogo Au Go Go

What is this?  Songs about a drunk girl wanting to get urinated on, a slut teen who had sex with her father, and "retarded hookers with filed down teeth" make up some sort of lyrical content on this release.  The core readers of this 'zine will get this release just because of that.  Those aren't even the best songs, though.

My favorites happen to be "Down the Hatch," and the cover of Jawbreaker's "Box Car."  The songs, I must add, are definitely better than the band's name.  (I rank it with Sleater-Kinney and Team Dresch as being one of the worst band names in punk.)  Fearless did the world a great service by re-releasing this punk slab o' energy.  (It was originally on Paper Doll Records.)  It's not the best release of the year, but it's worth repeated listenings.

Colours de Kiva Review

Originally published in Married Punks #13 in 1998.  Enjoy.  This was sent to me for review purposes by Xplor Media/Homegrown Video.


Colours de Kiva

Hustler gives this high marks, so you know it's going to be good.  Not only that, there's great goth-like music playing throughout the video, which is unlike the normal Xplor fare.  So what is this?

It's Kiva having real orgasms.  No, these aren't the fake ones like your girlfriend does, these are screaming, body shaking orgasms that just rip your VCR to shreds with their power.

Kiva is featured in all the scenes, of course, mostly alone, but sometimes with a man eating her or jerking off in her face.  There are so many scenes, too, some with special effects, some without.  Some are done outdoors, some in costume (a favorite is where Kiva masturbates while looking like Poison Ivy from The Cramps).  She uses her hand, the shower head, and men's tongues (who get their heads squeezed hard when that magic moment arrives). 

This tape will leave you breathless.  Kiva is the real deal.  She was a professional model, who is now deeply in the sex scene, and she has a brain.  And, get this, these videos will appeal to women, too!  Finally, something that doesn't make females feel embarrassed and intellectual guys feel like lechers for liking this stuff.  Kiva, you kick ass like nobody's business!

All "Mass Nerder"

This review of a CD sent by Epitaph for that, was first published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.


All Mass Nerder

True punk rock confession time: I've never really listened to All.  There's a good reason, too: the name.  All sounds like a hardcore band's name, and I always knew All wasn't hardcore.  It's pop punk, a Descendants spin-off.  I've been missing out.

From the first song, "World's on Heroin," I knew this would be great, and I was richtig.  Hey, Milo gets into the act, too, so you know it'll be good, and you know the songs will be about lost love (in an especially mature song called "Silence"), twisted friendships, philosophy, and reputations.

Now I have to go spend more fucking money to catch up on all I've missed from this band.

Against All Authority "All Fall Down" Review

Originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks, this CD was sent to me by Hopeless records to review.


Against All Authority All Fall Down

I was happy to get this.  I've heard good reports on this political/social punk/ska band, and all the reports were accurate.

Against All Authority, a name chosen because it pissed off people in school, covers all the bases from the media ("At Our Expense") to child abuse ("Daddy's Little Girl"), and does it in an energetic style that's more punk than ska.

The ska sound is present with just the right amount of horns in all the right places.  I imagine that the horn breaks are used so that during a live show the singer can catch his breath.

There's not a weak song on here, but that doesn't suprirse me.  I read they lyrics before listening to this and just knew that it was going to fuck shit up.

It's Us Versus Them

Originally was published in #13 of Married Punks in 1998.  This was about a nationally televised incident of police brutality in Humboldt County.


It's Us Versus Them

"Conflict may be open or latent; but it always exists since the government does not pay attention to discontent and popular resistance except when it is faced with the danger of insurrection." -- Enrico Malatesta

To understand the conflict or outrage, one must first understand the problem.  The problem, one that has been aired nationally on CBS and NBC, not to mention covered by the Associated Press, is simple: Humboldt County has two warring factions, environmentalists (in this case it's Earth First!) and capitalists.  The two often clash, mainly due to environmentalists' efforts to stop the destruction of the Headwaters, an ancient forest geared for destruction by the Maxxam corporation.  The police, as one would guess, serve the capitalists, which is Maxxam and, in this case, Representative Frank Riggs, an ex-cop and decidedly wishy-washy politician.

For those who missed the news at the end of October 1997, the Eureka Police Department and the Humboldt County Sheriff's Department tortured a few environmentalists (part of Headwaters Forest Defense), at least one of which was a minor.  This was done after the group, which did include a man in a ski mask, stormed Riggs' Eureka office, scattered sawdust on the floor and placed a stump in the middle of the floor to which four females chained themselves around via metal sleeve devices that make it hard for police to unchain the women from each other.  After several demands for the women to remove themselves, the police took it upon themselves to use pepper spray.  One officer shot the spray directly into a female's eyes from about an inch away, while the other officers decided to just rub it on the other women's eyelids with cotton swabs.

"We're not torturing you anymore."  -- An officer to a female protester in Riggs' office.

Webster's defines the verb form of torture as "to punish or coerce by inflicting excruciating pain."  In the noun form it is "the infliction of intense pain especially to punish or obtain a confession."  Torture is the right word to use in describing what these officers did.  These "men" shot and rubbed pepper spray, which doctors have found to be dangerous in the fact that it can stop the heart, into the eyes of subdued, peaceful protesters.

Sheriff Dennis Lewis admits that the methods used were "something new."  What he fails to admit is that they were a violation of the National Law Enforcement Policy Center, which states that, while the directives to use the pepper spray are left up to individual departments, it shouldn't be used at a range closer than two feet from the eyes.  He also failed to admit that the makers of the pepper spray spoke out against its usage that way.  Running protesters over with a car would be "something new" also, but it wouldn't make it right.

The defense that Riggs and his workers have given is that the females who worked in Riggs' office were scared for their lives.  Riggs also called the protesters "terrorists" due to the fact that there was a flier that portrayed Earth First! showing sympathy toward the Unabomber.  Earth First! calls the flier a fake, and says that it is another attempt to discredit the group.  Riggs, of course, refuses to believe that.  It should be noted that Earth First! has had a non-violence policy in place for years.

If the office workers were in fear for their lives, they didn't act like it.  At the time of the protest there were no charges filed for assault though the workers later claimed they were pushed and threatened.  The workers are also shown trying to keep the protesters from leaving the office by barring the door.  It is said that one office worker even took photographs of the protesters for a "scrapbook."  Hardly the actions of people fearful for their lives.  There wasn't even any mention made of the "assaults" on the news the night the protest took place.  Perhaps the workers were dumbstruck with fear.  Perhaps they are liars.  Either way, a lawsuit has been filed by the demonstrators, so perhaps the truth will come out.

"I'm not going to lose a whole lot of sleep about who is suing me." -- Eureka Police Chief Arnie Millsap

Eureka Police Chief Arnie Millsap's attitude toward the entire lawsuit, his bitterness toward the press he claims he can't trust, and his belief that he is being vilified shows just what is wrong with the Eureka Police Department and Humboldt County Sheriff's Department.  Both feel that they do not have to answer to anyone, let alone the people they serve.  They brush off any lawsuit as a mere annoyance, and threat the press like they do the people -- as enemies.  The "us versus them" mentality of the police has led to this entire pepper spray incident and the subsequent lawsuit and FBI investigation.  The police fail to grasp just how important this truly is, just like they fail to grasp law enforcement.  This is not a Banana Republic.  Oddly enough, though, some people in Humboldt County feel that it should be.

"Someone said that they should've cleared all the workers out of the building and just burned it down with the protesters inside.  A guy in training for the CHP (California Highway Patrol) agreed." -- Humboldt State University student talking about a class debate on the subject.

For the most part, the citizens of Humboldt County seem to have mixed feelings on the subject.  Strangely enough, some of the most vocal critics of the police's actions are current and ex-members of law enforcement.  Dennis Smith, a law enforcement officer, said, "They could've waited them out.  They could've done something else -- there's so many different things."  Many people agree with Smith, but it is the ones who don't that have been saying some very scary things.

One logger said, "They should be able to use force of law a lot harsher than they do.  The hippies get away with a lot more than they should."  Adelle Hawks says that the police have to do "whatever they have to do to make them follow the law."  Miriam Alley, a medical dispatcher, of all things, said that the police were justified because she thinks that "the county's had it with these tree-huggers."  As sickening as their thoughts are, there were some that were humorous, which exemplifies the lack of understanding many of these police sympathizers have with our legal and political system.

Pat Foster, a person who has very little understanding of the Constitution and the right to protest, wrote a very amusing letter to the Times-Standard, in which Foster wonders why protesters don't have to "post a bond for all demonstrations."  Essentially, Foster only wants those with money to protest because he/she is sick of the county's taxpayers picking up the tab.  What Foster fails to realize is that the lawsuits brought against the county and its police because of their own stupidity and reckless disregard for the policy and law, could end up costing the county more money than any protest would.  Perhaps Foster would agree that the police officers should have to put money out of their own pockets up front before they hurt or torture any protesters.  That way, in lieu of a lawsuit, the police, and not the county's taxpayers, would pay for their own mistakes.

"Filthy pigs!  Filthy, woman hating pigs!  Mexican beating pigs!  Fat ass pigs who subscribe to a law book they don't even obey." -- Henry Rollins

No matter what the outcome of the lawsuit is; no matter what the FBI finds -- there is still a problem.  Things won't change.  As long as there are police, there will be police brutality.  As long as there are police, there will be torture of undesirables (blacks, women, gays, Mexicans, homeless, hippies, punks, communists, anarchists).  As long as there are police, there will be abuses of power.  As long as there are police, anyone who isn't white, visibly well-to-do, heterosexual and male had better be aware.  If a police officer pulls you over and you are the least bit different, you have to understand that you may be beaten, shot or killed.  You may be tortured.  You may be falsely arrested.  You may be raped.  You may never be seen again.  It's happened more than once.

It happens because the police have the mentality that it's them versus us, so we must take the same stance.  The police have the law and weapons on their side.  We can have weapons, too.  We also have a voice, a voice that is especially vital now in an era where respect for the police has dropped dramatically due to their own brutality and dishonesty.  Nobody likes a goon watching over them, and it's time to act accordingly.

Police brutality and torture didn't start with Watts.  It didn't start with Rodney King.  It won't end in Humboldt County, either.  The police that tortured these protesters need to be taught a severe lesson, though.  They need to be jailed or released into the community that they violated.  As for the others, people aren't ready to give up the "security" of law enforcement just yet, so there needs to be something else.

Jello Biafra suggested elections for the police, voted on by the people they serve.  It's a good idea, and its a sure bet that the cops that tortured those girls, along with Millsap and Lewis, would be out of jobs.  And while we're at it, why not toss Riggs out on his torture-loving, crying wolf ass, too?  After all, if justice truly is served in this case, there will be a few openings in the law enforcement field here in Humboldt County and Riggs can have his old job back.

Epilogue:  A judge in San Francisco ruled that the police had every right to do what they did.  The civil trial is coming up.  No more needs to be said.

The Today show, the Times-Standard newspaper, KIEM news and personal interviews are the sources for most of the quotes pertaining to the pepper spray incident in this article.

Mike South: Southern Fried Pornmeister

This interview originally appeared in 1998 in issue #13 of Married Punks.


Mike South: Southern Fried Pornmeister

Mike South is a true Southern visionary.  His Southern Belle series is one worth watching to see real people having real sex.  See my review of number nine of his hot series in the last issue to see what I mean.

While a lot of people in the adult industry skirt honesty and refuse to deal with the underground press (Bizarre Video, to name one, wants nothing to do with the underground), South embraces the truth and understands where the true fans are.

This interview was conducted via e-mail.

Married Punks:  When did you first get into the adult entertainment industry?

Mike South:  About three years ago.

MP:  How did it happen?

MS:  I attended the CES show in Las Vegas about ten years ago or so and was walking through the adult section.  I was thinking, "I could do this," but nobody really wanted to talk to me.  Finally, Rick Savage gave me some straight talk, and I took what I learned from Rick and I thought about it, then I started visiting video stores all over the country and I would ask anyone who would talk to me questions about the videos.  What did they like?  What did they dislike?  What tapes rent best?  What sells best?  Why?  Then I watched about a thousand tapes, the ones people loved, the one people hated and everything in between.  Then when I thought I had it figured out, I bought a camera in a pawn shop and started practicing.  A year later I actually shot my first vids.

MP:  Why did you get into this?

MS:  It looked like fun, and I had always had an easy time with girls, so it seemed like a good fit.  Don't get me wrong, I'm an average looking guy, but I learned that attitude is way more important than looks.  Girls like being around a guy who is having a good time, and I certainly am having fun.

MP:  How would you describe your videos?

MS:  Pro-Am, true Pro-Am.  Most of the girls that I shoot are doing it for the thrill of it, very few want to be porn stars.  They just want to do the video for the pure thrill of it.  Many don't even care if they get paid and a few have asked me if they have to pay me to do it.  Everyone gets paid, though, so for many they get that unexpected bonus.

MP:  Who do you think your videos appeal to?

MS:  My videos are designed to appeal to the broadest market without sacrificing my "core" audience.  The "core audience" for anyone in porn are the guys who are really into porn and watch a lot of it, and there are more than you think.  For these guys I always give them good, clean, well-lit close ups, anal if the girl is comfortable with it, and facial cum shots.  For couples, the reality based angle is a turn-on, usually the girls have real orgasms; I'm very good at making them forget that the camera is there, that's partially due to my cameraman as well.  He gets the shots without disturbing the action.  I always make sure that the girl is into it.  If she isn't, then I won't shoot her regardless of how pretty she is.  I don't want girls who are only doing it for the money.  I always keep their makeup fresh and the scene interesting.

MP:  What has been your best experience with the video production?

MS:  There have been several standouts.  I recently shot Men's Magazine model Sana Fey in her first boy/girl.  We shot live, hardcore, boy/girl sex at a rave party in Tampa, Florida with literally hundreds of people watching us.  She loved it.  But probably the all-time best was a recent shoot with a girl named Valerie.  She is a college girl in Orlando, Florida and wanted to do it once for the fun of it.  She was so excited, she was literally bouncing off the walls, and that really came through in the video.

MP:  What has been your worst experience?

MS:  Two years ago in August I did a shoot 40 miles outside of Las Vegas in the desert.  It was 114 degrees at noon and we shot from noon until 4 pm.  There was also about a 10 knot wind blowing, so it was like fucking in front of a giant blow dryer.  That one was tough, but the location was awesome.

MP:  Sounds sticky.  How do you get people to appear in your videos?

MS:  Ninety percent come to me as referrals from people I have shot in the past or from magazine editors or other people who know me.  The other ten percent are usually dancers that I meet when I go into a strip club.  I tell them what I do, but if they want to be in a video they have to ask me.  I don't solicit them to do it.  It has to be their idea.

MP:  What are some of the awards you have won?

MS:  I have been nominated for more than I can remember, but I have won an Adult Video News (AVN) award for best amateur video (the AVN award is our industry's version of an Oscar, and it means a lot).  I have also won a few regional awards, including "Best Pro-Am Series" from The Rocky Mountain Oyster.

MP:  What Southern state has the wildest women?  Based on my experience with a girl named Baby, I would have to say Texas.

MS:  Based on my experiences, I have to say Florida, but only because of the luck I have had shooting in Tampa.  Tampa is an awesome town; the girls are pretty and wild.  Maybe it's the nude lapdances they do there.  Second place would be a tie between Georgia and Texas.  Dallas and Houston are both great towns for hot, new girls.

MP:  Baby was from right outside Houston.  Okay, where do you see the adult industry in five years?

MS:  From a technology standpoint, DVD is gonna rock and roll, though it will take a while for it to replace VHS.  When HDTV standardizes and the DVD companies get their act together, DVD will kick ass.  As for the business, there is a glut of porn out there right now, and the quality is all over the place.  I  mean, there will be twelve thousand new releases this year in the adult biz, most of it shitty stuff like the four and six hour compilations.  Those will be the first to die out because people rent them, see the shitty quality that is characteristic of the extended play modes, and get wiser.

The problem is that for Vivid and other companies to put this shit out is self-defeating.  For example, a guy turns eighteen and goes into his first adult section.  He sees a lot of stuff, but is drawn to a Vivid six-hour compilation.  Why?  Because he figures he is getting more for his money.  He takes it home and puts it in his VCR, the picture is washed out, it won't track properly and the audio sucks.  He now has the impression that this company produces shit in a slick looking box.  Hell, he may even think that is characteristic of the whole industry.  He returns the vid and doesn't rent again.  Now for the store angle, that store just rented one six hour video and lost a customer when he would have likely rented two two-hour tapes and been happy with the quality he saw.  So the store rented one shitty tape instead of two good ones and probably lost a repeat customer in the process.

I expect a shake out will come and the people producing quality will survive.  The rest will be kicked to the curb by a better educated market.  An educated consumer is the adult video business' worst nightmare.

On another level, look for more Federal legislation like the "Child Protection Act," which honestly does nothing to children.  With guys like Max Hardcore getting into some serious verbal and borderline physical abuse, the enemies of our business are going to use that to try to further their cause.

MP:  Any last words, plugs or death threats?

MS:  Nah, I'm a black belt, but I'm also a real pacifist when it comes to physical violence.  I try to avoid it if possible.  As far as last words, I only want to express my deepest appreciation to everyone who has bought and rented my tapes.  If it weren't for you, I could not do this job that I enjoy so much.  When you buy or rent my tapes, you are doing me a favor and I appreciate it, so I'm gonna give you my best effort.  Thank you, and look for all Mike South's new releases under "Elegant Angel Video."

Dissection: Automobile and Auto Dealership Commercials

I don't know what prompted this piece, which ran in Married Punks #13, published in 1998.  I don't think the situation has changed much, though.


Dissection: Automobile and Auto Dealership Commericals

They are as prevalent as bullying cops and Big Johnson shirts.  Car commercials.  You've seen them if you have watched any amount of television.  They're quirky, factual, amusing and just plain annoying.  These monsters, which average three per hour, are there to do one thing: entice you into buying a high-priced machine.  They do it, as does all advertising, through either facts, fear, or by selling an attitude, sometimes combining all three.  Below are a few commercials, the methods they use, and the stupidity behind them, apparent if one takes the time to look.  Advertisers take note.

1.  '98 Camry - A female architect, with the song "Everyday People" playing in the background, makes a little speech about the choices she makes every day.  This ad has almost nothing about the car.  Instead, it plays on professional, career women, and the women who want to be in that position.  It does this by showing the female with a job typically reserved for males, yet creatively innovative, and through the use of a song commonly played on adult-oriented radio heard in offices throughout the country.  Again: there is little factual information about the car in this ad.  This style of advertising that is devoid of facts is usually geared toward males, but the tide is shifting, in turn causing females, who advertisers target the most, to become less educated as far as consumption goes.

2.  Montgomery Ward Auto Liquidation - Roy's Auto Center and Mickey's Quality Cars, both local to Humboldt County, teamed up to bring this sales event to the Montgomery Ward parking lot.  The autos were sold on a "first come first serve basis," and was for a "limited time" only.  While the commercial seems factual, it really doesn't tell much.  To start with, the sale that was for a "limited time" only was extended several times.  Also, since when aren't cars sold on a first come, first serve basis?  What this commercial tries to do is instill a sense of fear into the consumers that are thinking of buying a car.  If they don't hurry, the car they want may be sold to someone else!  And hurry they better, because the sale is only for a limited time.  Apparently this tactic didn't work too well, or all the cars would have been sold and there would have been no need to extend the sale.

3.  Ford Action Heroes Campaign - The Webster's Dictionary defines hero as a "mythical or legendary figure," an "illustrious warrior with great strength," and a person who "shows great courage" or is "admired for achievements and qualities."  Ford defines heroes as people who bring home groceries; ranch hands; and all-terrain vehicle riders.  Ford is not selling cars and trucks here, it is selling an attitude and image.  It wants to make ordinary people doing what they have to do or like to do feel like heroes.  A definite play on the ego.  Ford is hoping that these would-be heroes would rather sit behind the wheel of a Ford instead of donning tights and fighting crime or rescuing children from a burning building.

4.  Mitsubishi Montero Sport - A commerical that spotlights men putting on make-up.  The catch: They're rodeo clowns!  Mitsubishi is being entertaining here, and if you're entertained by this drivel, the company hopes you'll buy a Montero Sport.  End result: Who cares about this vehicle?

5.  Passat - The commercial for this car takes place in a diner.  A man talks about trying new things, focusing mainly on food.  Attitude is what's being sold once again.  This ad reaches out to the person who likes to think that he or she is open to new things.  It's also appealing to the common man/woman by taking place in a diner.  The commercial shows that there really is no difference between deciding on which kind of pie to eat and deciding on a car to buy.  Those of us in the real world know the difference all too well, and this commercial fails in its attempt to lure car buyers to the Passat.

6.  Harper Ford - Humboldt County is known for its pot, but the makers of this commercial must have been using LSD.  It depicts and old man in a backward baseball cap driving a pick-up truck with a dog in the back.  All of this is set to some sort of hip-hop song with the line "cross over the bridge" sung repeatedly.  "Cross over the bridge" is Harper Ford's catchphrase, and it's obviously playing on that.  What the song and the old man have to do with Harper Ford's cars is beyond me.  It's also beyond the woman who answered the phone at Harper Ford.  She didn't want to tell me what the commercial meant, but did offer to connect me to her general manager who was in a meeting(?).  I declined, afraid he might start singing the hypnotic song to me to come in and buy.

These commercials, and many others that are out there polluting the airwaves, are a boil on the already diseased face of television broadcasting.  They are as numerous as bad sitcoms and just as unintelligent.  They miserably fail in their attempts to cajole the consumer into wanting a new car.  Even their feeble ploys to sell image and attitude miss the mark as often as the entertainment value does.  The end result is a glut of ineffectual commericials that most people ignore or mock.  And why are they so mocked?  Because pointing out their faults is easier than showing how they succeed, especially when they don't.

Adhesive "Sideburner" Review

Originally published in 1998 in issue number 13 of Married Punks, this CD was sent to me from Hopeless Records specifically for review.


Adhesive Sideburner

It's not just the accent that causes these Swedes to sound like Millencolin, it's the whole sound.  I guess that's to be expected from bands weened on Bad Religion.  Unfortunately, like most melodic punk bands, Adhesive doesn't follow Bad Religion's lead on lyrical content.  Instead, the band focuses on a more personal side of things.  (Though "Conscience" does get political.)

This isn't a slam on Adhesive.  It's a talented band, but these types of bands are so commonplace these days that they fail to excite me.