Today is a Good Day to Die Part 1 Book Review

Originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.

This little chapbook will appeal to those who grooved on Death Scenes: A Homicide Detective's Scrapbook and the Amok Journal: Sensurround Edition.  It consists of some forensic photos of suicides, corpses, and transportation accidents combined with some witty text (the song lyrics used for the auto accident scene were choice).

The more timid amongst you will want to shy away from this. Curiosity seekers and sickos will love it. Guess which category I fit in to?

***FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN DEATH SCENES, JUST CLICK THIS LINK.

Lip Thinker by Bob Xark Book Review

Originally published in 1998's Married Punks issue 13.

I dislike most poetry. It tends to be slop, but Xark, unlike a lot of poets, combines the beauty and harshness of the world with politics and business. He touches on the Michael Diana controversy ("A Very Ugly Witchhunt"), consumer culture ("Pesticides Gasoline and Fast Food Stop N Shop"), and the power of feminine beauty ("Unmistakable Ways"). Xark, who looks more rock 'n' roll than poet, escapes the pretentiousness of most poets simply by recognizing it. That's important to me. I don't want to wade through crap, and Xark doesn't want to dish it out. It's a perfect relationship.

Flipwreck, All Day, Snuff, NOFX at Hefe's in Eureka, CA January 30, 1998 Live Show Review .

This originally appeared in Married Punks #13, published in 1998.

When I heard that NOFX was playing at Hefe's, I got a bit excited, especially since All Day and Snuff were on the bill, too. Jackie and I had seen NOFX years earlier in Philadelphia with, if I recall correctly, Sexee Dogee, 2.5 Children, Horace Pinker, and Lag Wagon. That show, while having more bands, was cheaper than the upcoming show at Hefe's, owned by Hefe from NOFX (and which since has shut down). Go figure. The Philly show was great though, so we decided to relive some memories.

I'm anti-social. I haven't seen a show since moving to Humboldt County (unless one counts Rollins' spoken word gig and Jello Biafra doing the same), and I really don't miss it. I don't like being around large (or small) groups of people, let alone drunken idiots (a mainstay at punk shows). The only thing social drunks are good for is to steal from or laugh at when they wrap their cars around some trees at 90 miles per hour without killing any innocents. (It's the same with junkies, though you can also inspire paranoia for added giggles.) I was will to forego all this however, to see three bands I really like.

I contacted Jeff at Epitaph for tickets. No problem-o, he says, and soon enough he informs me that I'll have two photo passes. Smooth.

It was quite the event when the tickets went on sale. They sold out in 15 minutes, the average length of time it takes a punk band of NOFX's stature to actually sell-out in an artistic sense. This was so huge that the local NBC affiliate, KIEM, covered it.

This wasn't even newsworthy, but KIEM made it so. For those unfamiliar with KIEM, it was 1997's highest rated, non-national California news show. The only reason it beats out the CBS and ABC affiliates' news is because it has younger, better looking anchors and a more expensive looking set. It's not due to better news coverage. The newscasters constantly mispronounce words and get facts wrong. (The best example of this was when one newscaster, while talking about an upcoming story taking place on the East Coast, described it as a story from "hundreds of thousands of miles away." Idiot.)

KIEM interviewed a few morons on the street in front of The Works, a fairly boring music store, and suddenly, I knew I was going to have a miserable time.

I e-mailed Jeff to thank him for the passes and to let him know about the show selling out so quickly. He wrote me back and informed me, with quite a few heartfelt apologies, that he didn't get to buy the tickets in time (I guess Epitaph must pay too), and now we had no passes. He was going to talk to Hefe's manager though, and see what he could pull.

What he managed was one pass. "No thanks," I said. "Jackie and I go together or not at all." So here's what I did that night.

Jackie and I had been invited to a co-worker's housewarming party, but decided not to go. I did some research for an article, listened to Dance Hall Crashers, Down By Law, and Digger, and then got into a a massive argument concerning religion and homophobia on an America Online chatroom. After that, Jackie came home and we ordered a pizza to eat while watching some Politically Incorrect episodes that I had taped. Jim Goad was on one and had very little to say that was actually interesting (unless you consider him saying "blow job"on the air, censored of course, interesting). Jackie then retired, and I went back on AOL and advocated sending letter bombs to corporate executives. I enjoyed my evening with my wife and cat, even moreso than a NOFX show.

So Jeff, don't worry. You probably saved Jackie and I from a horrible evening. If you ever make it to Eureka, maybe, if I have money, I'll give one of our hookers twenty bucks to give you a blow job. You tried, and I do appreciate it. Your apologies were sincere and unnecessary. You saved me from dealing with a bunch of idiotic people, and for that I owe you big time, or at least a toothless hummer from Old Town's finest.

Mike Hunt Comix: 6-Pack of Minis #1(?) Comic Review

Originally appeared in issue 13 of Married Punks, published in 1998.


This packet contained six small comics from the menace-to-society Michael Diana. The best part is that some of these are early pieces. Throughout it all he examines the perils of drunk driving, home abortions, drug abuse, STDs, pedophile priests (are there any other kind?), and revolution.

If you're familiar with Diana's work and subsequent charges, you know what you're in for. If you're not - prepare to be shocked. You know I love this stuff!

Horrorhead #1 Comic Book Review

Originally published in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.


I love comic books, and this humorous anthology is entertaining with its unique panel layouts, but it just isn't enough. I finished this black and white in under three minutes, which makes two dollars too much to spend on this.

Perhaps the second issue will have more content.

Bad Pills #1 Comic Book Review

This originally appeared in Married Punks #13, published in 1998.


Sverre Helmer Kristensen, who has died of bone cancer, delighted in drawing shocking comics, and Bad Pills is pure shock.

Kristensen hits up on racism, Hitler, rape, decomposing bunnies, and Bob Dobbs. These are okay stories, but the best is Kristensen's autobiographical "Almost Dead," which humorously portrays his struggle with cancer.

It's a shame he's gone. His over-the-top subject matter combined with his cartoon-like art had a real style to it. He could've been a contender.

Toilet Police Stickers Product Review

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks in 1998.


"They make great gifts for bridal showers . . .," reads the press release. Why? These three dollar, gold foil stickers are washable, which is good because they're meant for the toilet, and they are shaped like a police badge that reads, "Toilet Police: Close and Flush." I guess that's why.

I don't buy stickers, especially not three dollar ones. It's a novel idea, but so were pet rocks. Who would want this? I don't even think Yuppies would buy these, and they buy anything!

Greeting Cards From Mike Hunt Publishing Product Review

This review originally appeared in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.


I don't know how much these are, or how many varieties there are, but I do know you'll want them.

Autopsy photos, wounds, and post-surgery shots were featured on the cards sent to me, and all are in glorious color. They're also blank on the inside for your special poem.

These are perfect for friends and enemies alike.

Zine Guide #1

Originally appeared in 1998 in issue 13 of Married Punks.


Publications like this are essential to the 'zine/punk/underground community. They provide addresses, descriptions, and ordering instructions for 'zines (in this case, over fifteen hundred 'zines). The Zine Guide even gives a little more.

Plenty of surveys (best 'zines, label favorites, etc.) round this out, as well as editors' top picks and comments. This stuff is great! It goes beyond publications like Book Your Own Fuckin' Life in that sense, though BYOFL's scope is broader.

This is an important tool for 'zine fans, editors, and labels. The next issue should be even better.

The Wild Animal Revue #16 Review

Originally appeared in issue 13 of Married Punks, published in 1998.


Society has many taboos. Having sex with animals is one of them. People are always going to break taboos though, and this publication proves it.

With articles ranging from animal worship in ancient Egypt to classifieds, this magazine examines the people who really love animals . . . in the Biblical sense. This isn't merely pornographic, either. This is a serious publication with wonderful insights. Of course, there are a few non-explicit photos, too.

Reading reviews of animal penis shaped dildos and readers' true life experiences with dogs and pigs is truly fascinating. Some may find this twisted, possibly bizarre. I, on the other hand, find this interesting and informative.

Tail Spins #30 Review

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks, which was published in 1998.


Tail Spins never fails to deliver a solid read. In this glossy cover, ad laden issue, and no, that's not a slam against it, we have interviews with Dale Crover (Melvins) and Today is the Day, articles on cannibals, hermaphrodites, and a journal excerpt on a journey to Managna.

My only criticism lies not with the ads, which I have read complaints about in some reviews, but with the cannibalism piece. Reporting a false act of cannibalism, as with what was alleged in Bakersfield, California, with real acts cheapens the article. Also, in the section on Ed Gein, my favorite of all serial killers, Bernice Worden is named as a victim, which is true. The headless, dismembered woman is the shed is also mentioned at the end of the section, but what never is told is that they are one in the same. Another section reports that Otis Toole was the killer of Adam Walsh, though according to researcher Michael Newton's book, Hunting Humans: The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers Volume One, police say he had nothing to do with that murder despite his claims.

Seeing as these few complaints are my only problem with this mag, I can still wholeheartedly recommend it.

Subversion #5 Review

Originally published in Married Punks #13, published in 1998.


Subversion consistently improves, and it always delivers a good read, even if I don't agree with some of the editor's opinions. (I think his views on school play into capitalism too much, and of Pennywise he says that it is "one of the premiere punk bands of all times.")

Mr. Rogers, the editor, opens strongly with a piece about going to Maximumrocknroll to see about using a scanner. He's brushed off twice, and quite rudely, by Tim Yohannan. Nice, Tim.

Other highlights include the inspirational "Looking Out for #1," "The Burning Question," and the piece I didn't quite agree with, "School is Cool."

Too bad I sent in the new 'zine survey before I read this issue. I would have granted it a favorite status.

Straight Force #3 Review

Originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks, 1998.


Hardcore to the hilt. If hardcore music interests you (it does me, but I'm not obsessive over it), then you'll like this. Tenfold, Ensign, and Up Front are a few of the bands interviewed (though they weren't terribly exciting interviews), and there were a few choice columns (violence at shows, political correctness, glossy magazines) and a good selection of music reviews.

This is a good looking 'zine, and it shows a real appreciation for the hardcore scene. In said scene, most of the people are either really cool or mega assholes. The Straight Force crew seems to be the former.

The Small Publisher's Co-Op Flyer Times Vol. 3 #1(?) Review

Originally appeared in Married Punks #13, published in 1998.


This is the Small Publisher's Co-Op publication and it's . . . okay. I mean, what could it be? There's articles on the Co-Op (including a piece on a recent controversy that I won't get into), an overview of the publications that are members of the Co-Op, a comic strip, and a scene report on Tampa courtesy of Dave Disorder (A.D.D. 'zine) that has "bad" words censored. That's worrisome.

If you're interested in joining the Co-Op, you'll probably get this. Otherwise, don't bother.

Riverside Art Scene/Artzine Split #A1

This was originally published in issue 13 of Married Punks in 1998.


This half size issue features a bundle of collages, drawings, ranting, and crazy comic strips ("Pussyhead and Titface," "Stoner Cops," and others). It's chaotic as all fuck, but that works for it rather than against it.

While all the idiots in Eureka were watching the Super Bowl, I was reading this. I think I got the better end of the deal, though you "cool" types may find this publication beneath you. You know what, though? You people suck anyway. What cares what you find beneath you? What the hell kind of review has this turned into?